where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So much rum. So many feels.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
