i just wanna soil my oats bro
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
