it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
