Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
