Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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