Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
