Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
