i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
