He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
