Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
