I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
