I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
