Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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