He had one of those small greek statue penises
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
