There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
