I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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