I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
