you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
