You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
