Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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