I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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