Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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