Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
