He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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