It's Friday. Sex?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He did a backflip because drugs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize