When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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