The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
