Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
