Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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