Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
