I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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