Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
