i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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