How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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