So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we should paint friendship bongs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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