im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are we still banned from the library?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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