I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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