One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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