You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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