I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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