apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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