My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
