its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
