Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
