have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
