I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
