It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
