life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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