But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
