How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
