Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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