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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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