I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
