It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
