I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
