I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
