I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
