Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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