Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He shit in the fireplace
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
