Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
