she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
