I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
