and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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