I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
