i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
