like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
