drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
