If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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