i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
