Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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