Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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